The generation that looked the other way - why we need to clean up now

When women don't believe other women

There are sentences that strike a deeper chord than the person who says them suspects.

One of them is:

"Well, you don't really know if that's true."

I recently heard this sentence from a friend.

She told me about a woman who recounted experiences from her childhood – about boundary violations, about violence, about things no child should experience.

And that one sentence hung in the air. Heavy. Cold. Derogatory.

Not out of malice.

But from something else: unresolved trauma.

❗️Trauma doesn't only manifest in one's own life.

We talk a lot about how trauma affects our relationships with men.

But we talk far too little about how it shapes friendships between women.

Women who have not integrated their own trauma often react not with compassion, but with doubt, distance or devaluation – especially when other women speak their truth.

Not because they are not intelligent.

Not because they are cruel.

But because acknowledging another woman's truth would touch upon one's own story.

And that is too threatening for many.

"Why would anyone invent something like that?"

I asked this question.

Because it is central.

Why would anyone invent sexual abuse?

Why would anyone invent psychological or physical violence?

Why would anyone voluntarily put themselves in the role of a victim – with all the shame, doubt, and societal distrust?

The answer is simple: Nobody does that.

We see this in movements like #MeToo as well.

The assumption that women invent stories – out of a desire for attention, revenge, or recognition – is an old, patriarchal narrative.

And what's frightening is that many women have unconsciously adopted it.

The shaping of our generation

Many of us – especially from the generation before me and mine – grew up like this:

• with fathers who were emotionally abusive or dominant

• with mothers who have learned to be silent

• with the feeling that female suffering is "exaggerated"

• with the unspoken consensus: "Don't be such a baby."

Our mothers often experienced massive devaluation themselves.

And they had no language for it.

No room.

No choice.

What they passed on was not meant maliciously – but it was unhealed.

When women are "easy" with men – and tough with women

A pattern I observe time and again:

Some women are relaxed, funny, agreeable, compliant – almost obsequious – in their interactions with men.

They want to please, appear competent, and not cause offense.

However, when interacting with women, they become critical, cold, or dismissive.

This is no coincidence.

It's a protective mechanism.

Because being close to women means: reflection. Truth. Confrontation.

And that is precisely what is more dangerous for unhealed trauma than any male recognition.

Younger generations see it immediately.

What gives me hope:

Younger women – many in their early 20s – immediately sense when something is wrong.

They are leaving.

They name them.

They refuse loyalty to systems that harm others.

Yes, they have different topics.

Yes, relationships have become more complex.

But they have something that many of us had to learn the hard way:

a keen sense for inner truth.

We are the generation that is cleaning up.

I believe:

My generation is the one that is starting to clean things up.

Not perfect.

Not always gentle.

But honestly.

Trauma doesn't simply end just because we get older.

Its effects continue – in partnerships, in motherhood, in friendships.

And as long as we women don't believe each other,

as long as we devalue, relativize or look away,

We unconsciously work for the very systems that have harmed us.

🩷 I AM WOMAN stands for something else

For faith instead of doubt.

For compassion instead of judgment.

For truth instead of repression.

And especially:

For the willingness to look – even when it is uncomfortable.

Because healing is not quiet.

She is honest.